Alumni updates

Oh, alumni magazines. Do you love them as much as I do?

I cut out of work early today (one luxury of a PT job) to catch the XU-Gonzaga game, and low and behold, waiting in my mailbox was the spring issue of the Xavier Alumni Magazine.

This publication is always a source of angst for me. In the back section of the magazine, there is a listing of alumni, ordered by year of graduation, and their accomplishments. Even though I know I shouldn't, the first thing I do is flip to the back and see how I compare to my classmates. It's always grim.

The little blurbs herald great news about the alums.

They start off something like:
"After traveling to Central America and building a village hospital, feeding starving children, going on a hunger strike for workers' rights, emancipating young women from a sex trade operation, and closing down sweat shops, Cindy McGillycuddy has returned to the United States, where she has developed her own line of organic food, the proceeds of which go directly to charity."

And then they begin to read:
"Daniel Doolittle recently became a super-duper, high-profile, highly sought-after economic expert. He doesn't mean to brag, but he has just been been recognized as the world's smartest man."

And then you read between the lines:
"Two months after graduating, Jane Jones received her M.R.S. degree, summa cum laude, when she married Dr. Charles Phillip Arthur George. She loves being a stay-at-home mom to her adorable children--Sloan, Brayden, Tanner, Xander, Mikayla, Madison and Bailey--for those two hours each night after Lupe, the nanny, goes home. Jane is now pregnant with her eighth child, but don't worry--Dr. Z has worked wonders on her, and she still has the dynamite body of a 16-year-old."

And then you see a name that rings a bell, and you really read between the lines, this time with a sense of triumph:
"Remember Joe Smith? The smart, geeky kid in your freshman statistics class, whom the muscle-headed guy sitting behind you made fun of relentlessly and called "faggot" every single day?* Yeah, that kid is living in California, working in computers, and making more money than God. Joe is wondering what that muscle-head is doing these days."
*Note: That really happened, and the obnoxious, name-calling guy, who seriously addressed the smart kid as "faggot" and much worse, was the son of my high school principal.

And then there's always:
"Jody Joseph, class of '96, got married to Larry Miller. Jody really has no identity other than being married to this guy, so we'll just tell you about him, even though he's never stepped foot on XU's campus. He graduated with honors from Harvard and is currently Chief Resident at Cedars Sinai Hospital. His goal is to provide medical care to the underpriveleged children in the inner city. But frankly, Jody is a little nervous about that, because you know how those people can be."

Oh, but wait, let's not forget mine:
"JGF lives in Oly, WA, where she currently holds 15 part-time jobs, none of which are remotely related to her degree. But then again, just how far did she think she would get on a Fine Arts degree? With JGF's remarkable ability to remain a "jack of all trades, master of none," she is a shining example of mediocrity. Or would that be a mediocre example of mediocrity?"

Well, we all can't have exciting lives.

After reading the magazine, SMH and I went to a bar (same bar as Saturday) to watch the game. My fellow game-watchers at the bar were very nice to me, and seemed genuinely interested in the fact that I was a Xavier alum. So, maybe this could make it into the next issue:

"JGF lives in Oly, WA, where she has made several friends at the neighborhood bar. In serving as a representative of the university, she has educated the local population on the correct pronunciation of the name (Zay-vier, not Eggs-zay-vier) and the correct geographical location (Cincinnati, not Philadelphia) of the school."